This blog entry is the first in a monthly series aimed at addressing some of the concerns around sexual wellness during and after cancer treatment. This is in no way meant to replace medical advice or psychological therapy. Always discuss with your medical support team any alternative therapies you might be incorporating into your treatment and recovery.
Sexual wellness is a journey, not a destination. Never is that more important to remember than when we hit a rough patch in the road. Cancer can be a major pothole in that road. Every person reacts differently to the diagnosis and treatment of cancer and of course there are many different types of cancer, each with its own set of challenges. Some may find that cancer and its treatment have no impact whatsoever on their journey toward sexual wellness. Others may feel completely broken down and stranded in the middle of nowhere.
Even in the best of circumstances, it can be difficult to discuss intimate concerns with one’s medical providers. Making this more difficult, in situations around cancer treatment, the medical focus may become strictly about physiological function and survival, ignoring the emotional and sensual needs.
Stay connected.
The first step in any mind-body approach to health is establishing and maintaining the connection between mind and body. It is important to remind your health care providers, and yourself, that you are a whole person. YOU are not the CANCER and the CANCER is not YOU. As a whole person, you still have the right to intimacy, love, and juiciness in your life!
Connecting with yourself.
Your body may begin to change over the course of your treatment, depending on the type of cancer and the type and duration of your treatment. The following exercise is designed to help you stay connected with your changing body.
Mirror exercise.
On a regular basis, set aside some private time. Perhaps light a candle or put on soothing music. Stand nude in front of a full-length mirror and look at your body with loving eyes. (If this is uncomfortable, start with wearing underwear or a robe and work up to looking at your naked body.) Take three deep breaths, drawing the air all the way down into your belly and then back out. Centering yourself. Feeling the connection between your mind and your body. Visualize a brilliant blue light beginning at your heart and extending upward into the astrosphere and down into the core of the Earth.
Say out loud to yourself all of the things you love about your body:
I love long slender fingers. I love my blue eyes. I love the curve of my hips … and so on.
Look at any scars or changes that may have resulted from treatment and let your loving kindness extend to these new aspects of your body. Let the healing blue light touch these areas.
If you need to mourn these changes in your body then do so. Perhaps you feel the need to forgive your body and honor its vulnerability. Tears and screams can be cathartic as long as we let them out.
Afterwards, return to your center, focus on your heart, take three more deep, belly breaths, drawing the blue light back into you with each breath.
Spend at least a minute doing this exercise to begin with and work up to five or ten or more.
Connecting with your partner.
When you are comfortable in competing the exercise above solo, involve your partner. Ask your partner to tell you what he/she loves about your body. Share your scars, if any, with your partner and if needed let your partner mourn your old body and embrace your new body.
(In the case of major surgery, it can be helpful for you and your partner to see your scars together for the first time in the presence of your doctor so that your doctor can explain the healing process and what to expect after healing is complete.)
Ask your questions
If you have questions about sexual wellness and intimacy during or after cancer, please complete the form below
Thank you and we will do our best to address these in future installments.
Also check out our article: